What if?

What if I don't want to live anymore?

What if I just can't find a reason for my existence?

What if I find myself as a burden?

What if I just don't want to anymore?

Where is reason in living when every second feels wrong? What is the reason for living, when there is no reason at all?

It would be easy to just open the door of the car and fall out - but what if I survive? What would be the point?

It would not be easy drowning, the fear of it, being far too great.

I am an unpleasant person and people prefer not to be in my conversations. So why would I want to add to their suffering? Why would I want to add to their sadness?

What on earth is the reason for me? Why on earth was I created?

Looking at the stars, wishing to be one of them, rather than being a walking failure. Not wanting to be here anymore. Not wanting to exist anymore.

Feeling like an impostor.

Wanting to fall asleep and never wake up again.
(3 Dec 2011)