What does that make me?

For once, I don't want to step down.

For once, I wish it was my turn.

For once, I wish that everything was real.

For once. I wish that it wasn't just my imagination.

Getting to know somebody, automatically builds a relationship. It automatically builds something you get attached to. And when it's not there, you miss it.

Getting to know you was like that. I got attached to seeing you - more than once a day. I looked for every excuse possible, just so I can see you. Or make a joke with you. Or even - on my lucky day, get a few hugs from you.

I got addicted to a certain kind of sadness. The kind of sadness you get from trusting somebody and getting shoved to the one side at the end of the show.

I got to know you, I told myself I wouldn't fall for you - I fought against the feeling with everything I had too give.

I guess, after all these years I still don't know myself.

I think I fell for you the moment you took time just to get to know me.

You took something dear to me, you kept it around your neck. You made me think that it might mean something else.

You said things that interested me, things that I liked. Things that made me trust you.

Usually these feelings would bother me, but I would find a way to get over it and move on with my life the way it was before.

This time I don't want to be okay with it. I don't want to just go on. I want to let something happen. I want to make it work. I want it to be the right time. I want it to work.

I want it to be my turn.

But what would that make me?

What does that mean I become?
7 April 2012