Decided destiny

If you're not a Twilight saga fan... then nothing I'm about to write will make any sense...

My life and Bella's life seem too similar!

It is as if it is decided that I have too choose Edward...

What if I don't want too??? What if I want to choose Jake? What if I need Jake more? Why would you deny me my happily ever after by your judgemental attitude. You decided not to give my Jake a chance too prove himself... To show you that he will be better for me than the Edward you chose for me.

I need my Jake...

Even if you take away the fact that Edward is a vampire - focus only on his personality and courtesy... And you compare him to Jake (taking away the fact that he is a werewolf  and only focusing on his personality)... I would still need Jake more.

What would be the reason to stop loving both? Why is it so difficult in life too choose?

Why is love so unfathomable?

Why can't my Jake find me... make his imprint on me...

I might need my Jake now more than ever...

I don't want a prince. I don't want my knight in shining armor... I just need my Jake...

Sleepless nights

Again with the too much energy and the 'not-being-able-to-sleep-ness'!
I think I should get my sleeping patterns in order, this might get messy...
If I can't sleep now, I'll probably want to sleep tomorrow afternoon... and then I won't be able to sleep tomorrow night...
It is one vicious circle.

So what to do, when everybody is asleep and your mind is going crazy with 'to-do-ideas'??

Write them down?     Just so you don't forget them, but what happens in the morning?    You don't feel up to it anymore?

Not write them down?    Just so you can forget them and get new ideas?     What about the awesome ideas I have now?

Do them now?       And get killed or busted or get in loads of trouble...        Yeah, I'll go for this option...

Or not :)

So I guess this is it... Sleepless night, here we come!

The most beautiful thing

The most beautiful thing, is when a guy is on his way to his girlfriend - and he sees her waiting on a bench - and he stops for a moment, just to look at her, and unknowingly starts smiling.

The most beautiful thing, is when a guy takes out his phone to send a message to his girlfriend - and smiles the whole time while he types the message.

The most beautiful thing, is when a guy puts a picture of his girlfriend next to him, as motivation to study.

The most beautiful thing, is every time your guy looks at you, it is as if he's never seen anything so beautiful in his life.
(3 Nov 2011)

What if?

What if I don't want to live anymore?

What if I just can't find a reason for my existence?

What if I find myself as a burden?

What if I just don't want to anymore?

Where is reason in living when every second feels wrong? What is the reason for living, when there is no reason at all?

It would be easy to just open the door of the car and fall out - but what if I survive? What would be the point?

It would not be easy drowning, the fear of it, being far too great.

I am an unpleasant person and people prefer not to be in my conversations. So why would I want to add to their suffering? Why would I want to add to their sadness?

What on earth is the reason for me? Why on earth was I created?

Looking at the stars, wishing to be one of them, rather than being a walking failure. Not wanting to be here anymore. Not wanting to exist anymore.

Feeling like an impostor.

Wanting to fall asleep and never wake up again.
(3 Dec 2011)

Falling

Sometimes, you fall in "like" with a little less of a stranger.

Thinking - this is a great person and obviously creating your own expectations...

Unfortunately, sometimes, while getting to know the person, you fall out of "like".

You fall out of "like" with what you thought could have been perfect.
You fall out of "like" with what you thought you saw in the person.