I need you

Have you ever just felt like crying. For no imaginable reason.

You can't decide if it's tears of joy, tears of longing, tears regret or tears of complete sadness.

Have you ever felt this sensation of an emotional roller-coaster. Unable to understand or control the effect.

The feeling of wanting to be solitaire, but afraid of being alone.

It's times like these when you realize that you haven't heard that special somebodies voice in quite a while. When you realize that you've been dreaming the dreams of eternity. Those terrifyingly beautiful dreams that occupy your days, your memories, your life.

I wake up every morning wanting to kiss you. I wake up hoping to find your arms around me. I wake up wishing you were here. I wake up realizing that my reality is so much better than any dream I'll ever have. I wake up knowing that you won't just walk away.

I have this strange heartbeat, one I'm not familiar with. A heartbeat that make me wonder. A heartbeat that keeps me awake some nights. A heartbeat that I cherish. A heartbeat that beats for you.

I have this terrifying feeling that I never want to think about, but thinking about it is inevitable. I have a fear of losing you. I have a fear of never seeing you again. I have a fear that this is all just a dream and that I'm imagining everything. I have a fear that I'll wake up one day and realize that I made everything up.

I need to see you again. I need to hear your voice. I need to feel your hands in mine. I need your arms around me. I need to know that this is real life. I need to know that you really feel about me the way you say you feel.

I need to kiss your lips. Wrap my fingers in yours. Feel your arms around my body. Hear your voice. Listen to your heartbeat. Smell your cologne. And make this real. In short, I need you.

You and I

Every girl always searches for that Knight in Shining Armour, but it seems the more we search the less we find them.

We stumble and we fall, yet we get back up again. We get bruised and we get healed. We get hurt and we get stronger. We learn not too trust, yet we let ourselves trust again. We get confused and we get the facts. We learn to love and wish to be loved in return.


This time, I promised myself I wouldn't fall again, at least until I finish the most important thing in my life - my studies. Then I met you and my world paused for a very brief second. At least that was what it felt like. I saw you and I realized that I stopped in the middle of my sentence.

The first thing I said to myself, was "NO!". Not now, not yet. "Forget it", I thought, "why in the world would he even look in your direction?". But alas, I couldn't stop my heart thinking about him the whole day, every day. And as things went, we became friends and realized that we share more than a few mutual interests - animals being the greatest interest we share.

I still remember the exact moment I completely fell in love with him. I fell in love with his personality. I also remember the exact moment I fell in love with his soul.

I fell in love with his personality that night we talked and he shared his worst experience with me. I fell in love with his soul that night I looked into his eyes, the dust dancing around us, the light illuminating all he is hiding. Those colourful, shop-soiled, beautiful brown eyes staring into mine. I couldn't help getting lost in their story. I couldn't help staring into them and completely losing control of reality.

Now, a few months later, I wish nothing more than to be able to give you my whole heart. I wish too see you and to be with you. I wish too stare into those eyes again. I wish to live life with you. I hold your hand. I wish too kiss you. I wish to have a future with you.

You asked me what I see nine years from now, I chose not to answer. I'd rather hold your face in my hands, stare into those beautiful eyes of yours, and tell you personally that I see us. I see you and I see me. I see a future where we figure it out together and live in the days that go by. I see you and I see me, nothing will tear us apart.

Unwanted dream

Have you ever had that dream you've wanted to have some time ago, but when you eventually had it you didn't want it any more and now you're mind boggled about why in the world you would have the dream at such an inconvenient time.

That happened to me...

I had a crush on this guy for quite a while, only a crush because so many thing about him annoyed me - yet I liked him for some strange reason, maybe it was because I could have him that I liked him. I just liked the idea of liking somebody who says they like me (electronically - in real life it was like he didn't even see me) and that I can like without any attachment.

At stages I didn't like him any more, because I realised that he was immature and childish. At other stages I'd miss him and just enjoy talking to him. Other times I forgot that he even existed, until I see a photo of him and realise how damn cute he really is - oh and that body.

Then I met the most wonderful guy and I lost interest in every guy I've ever had a crush on. They just seemed not good enough. It's like my eyes went open and I realised that all the crushes I've ever had, thrown together and stirred, make up the wonderful-stunning-eyed-guy I met.

Now I can't imagine a life without him.

And then, bamm! Last night I had that dream I wanted to have a year ago. The dream freaked me out and frightened me at the same time.

I dreamed that the x-crush finally kissed me for the first time ever and it felt good. The twist comes in that I thought of my wonderful-stunning-eyed-boy while I was kissing the x-crush. The dream continued where, after kissing me, we went into the house. He and his girl, hand in hand, me and my friend then went somewhere together and he (x-crush) acted as if nothing ever happened.

So I realised something, that was exactly what our "relationship" was like and how it would have been if we actually kissed while flirting. X-crush always said how he liked me and thought I was cute, electronically. When it came to real life, in front of everybody else, it was like I never existed and I was just some fantasy of his to keep him busy when he was bored.

I didn't like how real the dream felt and woke up in a state of confusion. Luckily I have a good friend who said that I shouldn't think too much about it. "Don't be a typical woman and over-analyse this dream, it's not worth it." I tend to agree.

I met the most wonderful guy and one day I hope to call him mine. No more dreams about anybody else but him and us and the future.

It will always be him, me and our combined love for the things we share in life.

For arguments sake

You know that feeling you get... The one where you start wondering if you'd be strong enough to resist the first kiss when it comes too early. That feeling where you wonder if you'd be strong enough to resist kissing him the very first time you see him again. You know that feeling, right?

Well I've got that feeling!

The feeling I feel, is the one constantly arguing with me. So I guess this is the point where I give a little background.

So, I have this rule. I don't kiss a guy I'm serious about before we go out. And I have a second rule, when I really like the guy and I dream and think about a future together, I don't kiss him within the first month we go out. And now, here comes the argument.

I really like this amazing guy, but I haven't seen him in quite a while. I've dreamt about a future together and we've talked about a future together. Yet we are still officially still friends (who really like each other, if you catch my drift).

Now my question comes in. Will I be able to resist a kiss, when he stares into my eyes with those perfect eyes of his? Will I be able to take it slow when I see him and make sure that this relationship last until the end of time.

Or, do I just accept everything as it is and how it goes...

I know everything will happen exactly as His plans are laid out for me. I just wish I thought about it less and just go with it more.


But the truth will always be, that I like him. And it will take the end of eternity to change that. ♥

If we ever meet again

What will happen the day I see you again? How will I react? How will you react? What is it going to be like seeing you for the first time in months?

What if it's different when I see you again? What if I'm not what you remembered me to be like? What if you're not all I remember you to be?

What if my worst dream came true? What if you don't fall in love with me as person? What if you despise my way of being? What if we get irritated with each other?

These questions haunt me every day. Everything feels too unreal. It feels like a horrid real-life dream and I feel like I'm going to wake up any moment, just to realise that my mind made up the whole story.

It bothers me that I don't have any physical proof of our feelings for each other. It bothers me that I haven't seen you in months. It bothers me that I've fallen for you and I have yet been able to say it to your face. It bothers me that I feel like I love you and we haven't spent any number of minutes yet together since the day we last parted.

I'm horridly scared of losing you. I'm terrified of having to think about what my life would be like without you a part of it. I get sick at the thought of a future without you.

I need to see you again. I need for these feelings to feel real. I need to feel what it feels like to be in your arms. I need to see your eyes again. I need to feel your fingers wrapped in mine. I need to be next to you again. I need to hear you laugh, see you smile, hear you talk. I need you and I need you now.

I'm trapped in this vortex of thought, wondering, fearing, hoping, wishing, dreaming, thinking.

Is this all too real to be true, or can a simple person like me live in a fairytale like this as a real life fantasy?

Will this be my forever after, or my next hard life lesson?

No one else but you

This is too perfect to be real.

How can somebody, once a stranger, become somebody who means the world to me in a matter of months.

You were once a stranger, we met by accident, nothing planned. We became acquaint by choice, and friendship bloomed by time. Then I fell for you - and I fell hard, my face lay planted.

I was mesmerized by your eyes. Addicted to the sound of your voice. Yearning for the feeling of your arms around me. Dreaming about the day you kiss me. Wishing for you to be mine.

My world crashed when I found out you belonged to somebody more beautiful than I could ever be.

I made peace with His plans for me. I realised that I need you in my life and that it would be fine with me if you were my friend for the rest of my life. So friendship it was.

We were friends and I tried being a friend, as a friend should be. Ignoring the longing feeling. Ignoring the dreams. Ignoring the wishes. Not getting my hopes up. Trusting in what ever His plans were for me. I had peace that everything will work out as it should.

Then your world started spinning and I was there for support. It hurt me that you got hurt. By no means did I like the fact that you were unhappy. I didn't like the fact that you weren't smiling.

Then you used me. A desperate act to fix something broken. That was too much for me to handle, so I tried living my life without you in it. Not talking to you. Trying and miserably failing not thinking about you. It was impossible to keep the dreams of you away. I lasted two days.

Then everything changed.

I realised that I really can't live my life without you in it.

I remembered that everything happens for a reason and that there is a reason why we meet the people in our lives.

I realised that every person crosses your path, either to become a part of your life, or to teach you a life-lesson.

So I made peace with the fact that you might be the next lesson I should learn.

Then I fell in love with you and now I can't imagine my life without you.

You came into my life, but a stranger, now I dream of spending eternity with you ♥

Just be you!

Being deceitful, devious or underhand. Well simply put, it means that you mislead people. You lie. You're false and not true to yourself.

I don't have time for people who change who they are according to the people they see.

Be who you are, everywhere you go. Be who you are, with whom ever you are.

Because if you can't be you all the time. Who are you really then?

You can't expect me to trust you, if you're not honest with yourself. You can't expect me to be your friend if you're not the same person in front of everybody.

You can't say that you're not going to do something and you agree with me, and the next moment go out and do it.

It's childish and immature of you. Grow up and get to know yourself better. Get your own personality and stop trying to fit into other peoples personalities.

Stop telling me one thing and then going out and doing something else.

I classify deceitful under the same category as lying. Don't lie to me.

Be yourself, because while you're hiding yourself from everybody because you're afraid of not being loved for who you are. You're hiding your true self from the one person who will love you, for you.

Be yourself, because no body else will ever be able to be you.

Be yourself, because God made you to be you, not somebody else.

Be you and be hated for who you are, rather than being loved for what you are not.