City of Angels

"And I'd give up forever to touch you, because I know that you feel me somehow. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, and I don't want to go home right now."

When everything feels like the movies, it's hard to hold onto real life! It's hard to remember that in real life somebody doesn't just come up to you and say that you look lovely. In real life you don't just meet your true love and everything works out perfectly.

In real life you have to work hard to get what you desire and when you get what you desire, you have to work hard to keep it.

In real life, a girl can fall in love more than once a week... and at the end of the week realize that it was just a silly crush and that nothing will ever come of it. At the end of the week realize that all was just a made up dream of how something could have been, not of how it is.

In real life, a girl can create her own world inside her head, and if she spends too long in her own world, she starts confusing the two. That only creates problems! She can be so caught up in what she thought she saw, that when the real world hits her, it hurts.

In the real world, when you get hurt, it hurts. And it hurts for a long time.

In the real world, a girl meets a guy and the friendship grows over two to three years. In real life there is no such thing as a perfect moment. In real life things happen that take away the ones we love. In real life, life happens.

"When everything is made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."

I know the world will never understand me. I don't want the world to understand me. I don't understand me. I just need the world to accept me for who I am. I need the world to realize that everybody can't be what the world wants them to be.

I need the world to understand that I don't feel the same every day. My opinions change over night. My crushes change over night and some take a year or two. My love for life never changes, it just hides sometimes.

I need the world to understand that we are just humans, made by God, who created us in His image. That doesn't mean we are anything like Him. We are not nearly perfect enough. And while humanity falls away, we will never come close to being anything like Him.

I need the world to open its eyes. I need the world to see. I need to take the pain away. I need to make sure everybody I know is happy and that they stay happy!

"I don't want the world to see me, because I know that they won't understand."

It's you

I walk past you, every so other day... and you, yes you, you are the reason for this smile... And you will never know it. How can I risk telling you the feelings I have? I'd rather keep it a secret and keep the smile until eternity, than tell you my feelings and be rejected for the freak that I am.

Your smile lights up my day... your hug takes away the pain... your ways make my day... you are the reason for my smile...

You don't see it, and I doubts that you ever will...

But wait... this year is special... this year only happens once every four years... this year I might just tell you how I feel and accept the consequences.

My super bubblyness... the redness in my cheeks... my smile... the sparkle in my eyes... every aspect you see of me, might just be the reason of your presence in my every so often day.

Maybe this year, I'll tell you*

My time to shine

"I am as happy as can be"

It's been a long time since I've felt this feeling. This feeling of complete happiness with the world and surroundings.

I feel extremely satisfied and fulfilled :)

Life is a song you can sing too, a love letter to give to one another.  Life is the music that brings everything together, the glue too keep love in one place.

I am happy!

I have this in love feeling that I just can't put my finger on.  I have bottled up happiness that I want too share with the world and I wish the whole world could feel what I feel now - instead of pain and sadness!

I wish I could give the world this happiness, even if it means sacrificing myself.

I am happy and the whole world should know it!*

Dreams... Uncertainty

I dreamed about you for the first time since you said it's over.

I dreamed of you, for the first time and I have no idea what it might mean. No idea whatsoever!

The one moment I was dreaming a wonderful dream, he was walking with me, our hands touched and he grabbed it with a smile. He said the words "I thought about it and realized it was time too have some time together, it was high time"

The next moment I was alone on the Gautrain, on  my way to Sandton - just after class. Arriving there, the mall was empty and the shops were closed. I sat down and ate a ice-cream - not even finishing it (I always finish my ice-creams). The next moment we (you, me and her) were in a bib sitting at a table and talking as if we've been doing it everyday.

You were sitting at my side of the table, she was sitting across from me.We were talking about us as if we've sorted everything out. We were talking about you.

What does it mean? Why did the dream change?

My whole body is shouting HELP and all my lips can do is seal themselves...