Firsts

Every girl has a first.

A first crush... A first kiss... A first boyfriend... A first mistake... A first heartbreak... A first great loss...

Every girl has a first love...

So I've had my first crush and many more after that to follow... I've had my first kiss and not that many after... I've had my first boyfriend and my first heartbreak... I've had my first mistake and a my first giant mistake after that... I've had my first great loss...

And now I met you, I'm wondering if you might be my first true love... And maybe my first and only forever...

But all of this still feels like a dream, unreal!

This all feels like something out of a story yet to be told, something imagined on a rainy day. Something yet to be understood. Something every girl would dream about.

I dream about you at night. I dream about your arms around me. I dream about you just being with me. Smiling at me. Being with me.

I think about you at day. All day, every day. I think about what you're doing, how you're feeling, if you're thinking about me. I think about us and how perfect it could be.

And then I think about how hard I'm going to hit the floor if you don't catch me.

Do you have any intention of catching a falling damsel in distress.

Do you have any intentions of making this forever.

Do you have any intention of being mine and making me yours.

Do you have any intention of being as serious as I feel about you.

Will you be my first love, my forever. Can I be yours.

Just another love story

So here's the story, about a girl who fell in love with a boy. And now she's terrified of the possibility of being the rebound girl.

I met you, not too long ago. An I fell in love with you, not too long ago...

She left you, some time ago. And I think you might have fallen in like with me. Until you tasted what freedom could be; and now I'm wondering what is next for me.

I've been dreaming about our first kiss ever since we met, every time a dream different dreamt - but the feeling the same. A feeling of wonder. A feeling I've never felt in my life. A feeling I can get addicted to.

The first dream we shared. The first dream, was a dream about a real moment. The first dream, was a dream we had at the same time. The first dream will never be forgotten.

Then the time went by and the dreams became more frequent.

I dreamt about our first kiss, more than once. Every time a different scene.

I dreamt that you would have all these plans and not tell me anything. I dreamt that you one day just pitched. We were an us in my dream.

You arrived while I was busy concentrating on something. They beeped me to go down. I went down, my mind not registering anything.

Confused at first why I didn't see anybody and when I looked outside, you stood there. I woke up just as you held me in your arms.

That wasn't the last dream.

The longer  we talked, the more frequent the dreams became and the more addicted I became. I wanted to dream about kissing you every night. I would make sure that you were the last person I think about before I fall asleep. I would make sure that I had you in my mind before I drift off to sleep.

Another time, I had a dream about us. We weren't yet official in my dream, but in my dream it wasn't our first date either.

I dreamt that you surprised me and took me to the most beautiful place I've ever seen. I place I've never been to. With an amazing view. We ordered something warm to drink and I sat in your arms while we watched the sun set.

You tilted my head, looked into my eyes and told me that you fell in love with me and asked me if I would be your princess until the world ends.

I woke up with a butterfly feeling and the last memory of the dream - your eyes staring into mine. I miss the colours of your eyes.

I dreamt about visiting you. We just sat on a couch, you had your head on my lap while I was reading one of my books. Some parts I read out loud so you could laugh with me. Other parts I read out loud so you could hear an amazing part.

I dreamt that you fell asleep on my lap. And I just sat there, with you in my arms. Thinking how good this would feel forever.

I woke up missing you and wondering if you were thinking about me.

As I sit here I'm curios about your thoughts. What are you thinking about. What are you doing. What do you feel. Where is your heart.

I'm scared about what the future might hold. I'm scared of this all just being a very long dream. I'm scared of chasing you away with my big dreams. I'm scared of losing you.

I keep thinking about a future together. About you and me and everything we could do together. About our lives together.

It would be you and me, together. Us against the world.

Open up to us

You just don't care, do you?

You don't care how much your words hurt. You don't care about the effect. You don't care about the way you say stuff. You just don't care.

You have a people limit, and unfortunately for us, its permanently exceeded. So we get to face the ripple effect. We get the side of you that isn't controlled.

You told us about a system you started at work, yet it doesn't work in your own house, because you can't apply the same system.

One time you'll tell me not to do something, so when I don't do it, you get angry at me.

You're always disappointed in me and nothing I ever do seems right in your eyes. You criticize everything I do and you always focus only on my negative.

Why can't we see the side of you we brag about? The side every other person sees. The side every other person knows. The side every other person talks about.

Why can't you focus on the positive. Why can't you see how hard I try, how hard I've been trying for years.

Why can't you realise that you are hurting us?

Why can't you just stop and listen for once?

Why cant you see you through my eyes? Why don't you want to listen?

Why don't you understand?