If we ever meet again

What will happen the day I see you again? How will I react? How will you react? What is it going to be like seeing you for the first time in months?

What if it's different when I see you again? What if I'm not what you remembered me to be like? What if you're not all I remember you to be?

What if my worst dream came true? What if you don't fall in love with me as person? What if you despise my way of being? What if we get irritated with each other?

These questions haunt me every day. Everything feels too unreal. It feels like a horrid real-life dream and I feel like I'm going to wake up any moment, just to realise that my mind made up the whole story.

It bothers me that I don't have any physical proof of our feelings for each other. It bothers me that I haven't seen you in months. It bothers me that I've fallen for you and I have yet been able to say it to your face. It bothers me that I feel like I love you and we haven't spent any number of minutes yet together since the day we last parted.

I'm horridly scared of losing you. I'm terrified of having to think about what my life would be like without you a part of it. I get sick at the thought of a future without you.

I need to see you again. I need for these feelings to feel real. I need to feel what it feels like to be in your arms. I need to see your eyes again. I need to feel your fingers wrapped in mine. I need to be next to you again. I need to hear you laugh, see you smile, hear you talk. I need you and I need you now.

I'm trapped in this vortex of thought, wondering, fearing, hoping, wishing, dreaming, thinking.

Is this all too real to be true, or can a simple person like me live in a fairytale like this as a real life fantasy?

Will this be my forever after, or my next hard life lesson?