The devil within

A dark room, two people. One blinded by anger, the other confused by emotions. Both keen to relieve the world of both their personalities. One a knife in their hand, the other a paper thin rope. The one known as light, the other known as darkness. Darkness with the knife, ready to slice and colour the world with red. Light with the rope, ready to shred souls into oblivion. Both gorgeous to the eye, both loved by the human race. both wishing to leave the earth.

Ever dreamed of a silence, where even your brain stops thinking - I have. And I wish for that silence every day. A silence where no person can tell you what to do or what to think. A silence where no person enrages you. A silence where your thoughts come to rest and life becomes peaceful. A silence I wish for every day.

When I get provoked, I don't retract to protect,  I attack to kill - only I don't do it in real life, I create the scenario in my head. I imagine every detail, every movement, every feeling, every consequence. Then I take in every emotion and drown myself in it. I drown myself in emotions so real, that it becomes too much to handle. Until I become numb.

Imagine someone you loath, standing in a room. And darkness closes in, slowly but precisely cutting the skin with a razor sharp knife. The person just standing there, screaming and wishing for mercy, but unable to move an inch. No imagine you being the person and you being darkness. That is how I make myself numb. That is how I release myself from anger. That is how I slowly kill myself from the inside. That is what happens with every single emotion.

And that is why I wish I could just remove myself, remove darkness, remove light from the world and with it my story, my existence, my memory and every memory any person has ever had about me. It would be an easier world, a more peaceful word. It would be perfect!